dedicated to the one i love

all of the love poems
all the sweet words i wrote for others
lines to lay your heart down on
i realize now
with laughter
that each and every word
i wrote for you
not knowing you.

reading them fresh
for the first time in a while
i laugh the first healing laugh
to see your face 
respendidly smiling
through all the penned love words
formed from my heart.

a poem for you

let me love you

just a little bit

just for now

let the burden of my joy

be light on your heart.

let me need nothing else.

my love is a gift for you 

to smile over or ignore

whichever is easiest

i would demand nothing 

from you but honesty.

i choose you freely

my choice independent 

easily made

bathing in your laughter

obligations not made

i accept this joy

let me love you

just a little bit

just for now

let me love.

Until

the tenderness i could give you
all the sweetness of my radiant heart
my flesh made sunshine
my support never doubted
all my best wrapped up tight
my lips, wound tighter
and tighter until
 until
until
Until
until
I trust.

I do not trust that i will find you
but I must.
letting in half strangers
letting out half truths
living half alive
living half a lie.

hip to your tricks

i don't want you i don't love you i don't need you
i want to be your friend i want to be indifferent
but i know you and your insecurities
your petty ego
and i tremble.
disappointment to me.
gross to me.

go prove to a world that doesn't care
that you have it all under control
that you are truly wanted for You
and not what you can do for others' ambitions.

take a picture of yourself
of your words and promises
your un-listening ears
it will last longer than any last affectation
of affection from someone
who saw the boy behind the lens
and loves
no
more.
ever.

i miss you
but who do i mean?
friends who've died or
boys who've lied or
friends who live or
boys who give or
no one at all
'cept for me
and the carefree child i used to be.

richmond

from this deck that is not my deck
sun shines through different trees
sirens bay and howl in the distance
there is no water but i see the trees and all the life in them.

what the fuck dudes

frustration
such heartache
to be treated so poorly
by friends
lovers
would be lovers
i want none of you
and only that which makes me happy.